God knows I don't want to be an angel
by Improbabile
Summary: Apparently, prophets don't just die. They die and then they grow wings. And in Kevin's case, get stuck with two sassy angels who were presumes dead and are really pissed about what's going on out there. Spoilers for 9x09, bit of an AU
1. Chapter 1

**"Author"'s note:** heeeeey there. the other day I was around tumblr in full NOOOOKEVINWHY? phase and while I was NOOOOKEVINWHY?-ing around I found this post: post/68963416457/do-prophets-get-turned-into-angels-when-they-die and since accepting the headcanon wasn't enough I wrote this. It's not betaed and I also wrote it in record time, so it's probably full of horrible mistakes that make the poor English grammar want to commit suicide. And since even I haven't re-read it also the writing quality sucks. Leave me a review please, tell me what you think/if I should continue this (which I may do, but I have no idea of how and will certainly be totally AU. And probably better written than this). If anyone wants to point out mistakes, feel free to do it. If you think it sucks, well, I tried. Enjoy!

**20/12/13 CHAPTER NOW EDITED**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Supernatural. If I did the moment Gadreel touched Kevin there would have been a reaction strong enough to cast him out of this universe. Title is from Rammstein's song "Engel", so are the lyrics here

* * *

_**Wer zu Lebzeit gut auf Erden ** _

_(Who in their lifetime is good on Earth)_

_**wird nach dem Tod ein Engel werden ** _

_(will become an angel after death)_

Kevin screamed. The pain was... It was so much, so worst than anything he'd experienced. His eyes burned, his whole body felt like it was on fire. The heat was devouring him, flowing from Sam's hand on his forehead. No... not Sam's hand. Sam wasn't able to do this. Sam _wouldn't_ do this to him. Whatever this was. He came to the realization that this couldn't be his friend, that it probably was an angel and that the angel was probably smiting him in less than five seconds of burning pain, before feeling the sensation fade. And if the sensation faded it meant he was dead.

He turned around. He knew that Heaven was made of your best memories and that Hell was pure torture, but no one told him he couldn't _see_ in the afterlife. Because to him, it was all black. Something was telling him that really, being dead and blind should freak him out at least a little bit more than this. Instead he was feeling... nothing. Nothing at all. _Two things Kevin, either you're in shock or you're even more messed up than you thought_.

«Hey! Is there anyone here?» he screamed. His voice was... strange, for a lack of better term. Like, a bit higher. He didn't remember it to be this high. And frankly, he didn't even remember opening his mouth to speak. And now he was starting to be worried. Shock wearing off, then.

He tried to move his arms, to reach out for his face, understand how the fuck did he spoke without using his mouth. But while he was sure he was moving them, even his arms didn't feel right. He couldn't tell without seeing, but they felt unfamiliar. And when after a couple tries he finally touched his face, both his hand and his face touched something that wasn't right. Not at all.

His hands were cool. And his face... It just wasn't his face. Well, he couldn't be actually 100% sure, but he was _pretty much_ sure that he should feel stubble and warm, human skin, not a cool... something. It... it didn't seem fuckin' _solid_, let alone _human_. Now Kevin was starting to have a mild freak out. And what freaked him out even more was that even his fuckin' emotions felt strange. Alien.

There was a spot. A white spot in a corner of his otherwise totally black world. And it seemed like it was getting bigger. He tried to turn toward the light, but before he could he felt a sharp pain, and some sort of numbness took him. His vision stayed black, but his counsciousness faded.

«...I'm _so_ going to smite the bastard at the first occasion»

«That's the third time you said it in less than five minutes»

«Well, I am!»

«Calm down. I think he's awake» Kevin didn't know who the voices were, but they were nice to listen to. Expecially the one saying something about smiting someone, even though it had an angry tone that was quite frightening.

«Are you with us dude?» said the first voice.

«Who? Me?» Kevin managed. He was flat on some cool surface, and he kind of wanted to stay there for a while.

«Yes, you. Do you plan on lying there for the rest of eternity?» Kevin sighed. He sat, turning toward the voices. Still pitch black.

«I can't see you»

«Try opening your eyes genius» the second voice said. Right. Kevin opened them, and he added "opening eyes" to the list of things that no, didn't feel right. And then he froze completely.

The two beings in front of him had to be angels in their true forms. He had read something about it on the tablet, but that didn't quite give the idea. The smaller one was white and light yellow, with a pair of huge blonde-brown wings. The other... well. It was far bigger than the other, his body covered in gold and red lines, with six golden wings and what looked like four faces. Both of them had a body that looked basically human (two arms, two legs, a head - though with four faces in one case, but still a head) but different, strangely stretched, and with some eyes in places were eyes usually are not (the big one had probably twenty of them, or even more) . They both shone lightly, the smaller one with a plain white light, the other more with a golden one, and with other colours Kevin couldn't name.

«You're... you're angels» Kevin said, amazed. They were so alien, yet beautiful. He once wondered why God didn't put more information on the angels' true form in the tablet, and now he understood it. He simply didn't know words to make a description that would fit.

«Well, duh» said the big one, who apparently was the angry one who wanted to smite someone, rolling his eyes. And really, with all those eyes around his body he took rolling eyes to a whole new level.

«Now that we stated the obvious, who are you?» asked the other.

«I'm Kevin. Kevin Tran. I'm a prophet» the smaller angel turned toward the other, who didn't react.

«A prophet»

«Yes. Why?»

«Well, this could be useful. I think I might know a couple loopholes that could involve a prophet and getting out of this place» the bigger angelm said.

«I'm sorry, I don't think I understand» Kevin said.

«Me neither» the other angel intervened «How exactly is he a prophet? I mean, look at him. I'm not an expert, but he doesn't look like one to me»

«...What do I look like?»

«Ok, it's not surprising you don't know. Basically when a prophet dies he gets turned into an angel, so congrats Kev, you're one of us now» the bigger angel said.

«WHAT?» Kevin screamed once he registered the message.

«You're joking» the other angel said.

«You're angel Kev, and nope, I'm not joking» Kevin was literally speechless. There was nothing about this on the tablet. So now he was an angel. No, it wasn't possible.

«It's not possible» he murmured.

«Nothing's impossible» the bigger angel said, in a much too cheerful way for Kevin's liking. Kevin looked down at himself, thing he hadn't done since he was too busy gaping. He didn't see anything. He tried to look around. The only things he saw were the two angels, and the rest was black.

«I still don't believe you, but do you have an explenation for the fact I can't see anything else other than you two?»

«Well, there's nothing really to see here»

«Not even myself?»

«Well, that's concerning. You sure you can't see anything?»

«Sure» the bigger angel came in front of him. He was huge, so bigger than Kevin. He held out a hand in front of Kevin «How many fingers am I holding up?»

«Four»

«Now?»

«Two»

«Now?»

«Was this all just an excuse to show me the middle finger?» the angel chuckled, or at least, made a sound that could have been a chuckle.

«I like you Kev. Do you really not see anything?»

«Yes»

«So, to convince you you're actually one of us now» he grabbed one of Kevin's hands «Try reaching behind you and tell me what you feel» Kevin did as said. At a certain point, he touched something. Feathers. And the worst part was that some part of him he didn't know he had felt his touch too.

«Oh fuck» he said.

«Convinced? Anyway, I have no idea why you can't see yourself» the angel said «Oh, by the way, I'm Gabriel and that guy there is Balthazar»

«Impossible. Sam and Dean» he paused, the memory of whatever was in Sam's body smiting him still fresh «They told me about you. You're both dead»

«They told you about us? Aren't they cute» was Balthazar's comment.

«Really, I'm flattered» Gabriel commented.

«Still, you're dead»

«So? You are too» Gabriel snorted «Look, the basic thing is: I survived after Luci stabbed me, barely, but I did. I followed the boys for a while, but I was both too weak and without a vessel, so not exactly in my best shape to help them. Then when Cas decided to kill Balthy here, all the energy I gained I wasted saving this guy 'cause I thought he might come useful. And then while we were still at basically no power Metasshole showed up and shoved us here. What did we miss exactly?»

«A lot of things»

«For example?» Balthazar asked.

«Metatron tricked Cas and made a spell that casted all angel out of Heaven, and now they're divided in two factions trying to kill each other. And by the way, Abbadon is out there with her demons too. Those are basically the main things going on right now» Kevin said, while poking on the wing he found earlier. It was soft.

«Oh fuck» Balthazar said.

«Agreed» Gabriel crossed his arms «This is bad. Very bad. That explains also why you're here, Metasshole as to worry about one thing less if you're stuck in this place. And what about the Winchesters? They're doing something?»

«They have Crowley imprisoned, and doing what they can to find a way to reverse the spell. Cas's helping too, but Metatron stole his Grace for the spell so now all angels are hunting him and he isn't even sticking with us. And...» Kevin hesitated.

«And?»

«I think an angel is possessing Sam» the two angels stared at him.

«You think an angel is possessing Sam. Look, either he's possessed or he's not»

«I'm not sure, but Dean was acting strange lately and... And Sam smited me» Kevin whispered. He didn't think about Dean's involvement before, but now his strange comportament made much more sense. _I always trust you, and I always end up screwed_. He didn't think Dean would put him in danger on purpose, of course, but if the hunter knew something he sould've told Kevin. His lack of trust hurt.

«Definetly possessed» Gabriel concluded.

«After this I so want to get drunk» Balthazar said, sitting down on the floor.

«At least we know why Metasshole closed us here. Didn't want any more people on the good duy's side»

«And where are we?» Kevin asked.

«Some kind of... cage, probably a copy of Luci's one»

«Can we get out?»

«While it's probably not nearly as well-made as the original, it's still a damn good cage. Luckily, me and Balthy are probably the master loophole users and we were just trying to find the right one to break out. If in your prophetic knowledge there's also something about how to get out of places like this, please, feel free to share»

«Ok»

«Oh, and sorry for being smited. I suppose it's not a good experience»

«Kinda painful»

«I can imagine. But of course» Gabriel stopped with a look of realization (and since when did Kevin start to recognize expressions on four-faced archangels?) «That has to be the reason you can't see! The smiting made your human eyes burn, and so you can't see anything a human would. But angels' true forms are things just angel eyes can see, and since they're working right you can see us»

«You've lost me brother» Balthazar said.

«Don't think too hard Balthy, we wouldn't want you to get an headache»

«Fuck you»

«So... Is this whole "I'm an angel" thing real?» Kevin asked again, starting to panic.

«Yup. Unless of course those wings and all the attributes you've gained are immaginary, of course, which they aren't» Kevin stared at Gabriel for some seconds and then surrendered himself to the impending panic attacks this thing would probably give him once it all sinked in.

«So... How are you doing?» Kevin turned toward Balthazar, who was sitting near him.

«Fine I guess. Why?»

«Random guy turned prophet turned angel, I've been waiting for a major freak out since you got here»

«I dunno, I guess I've had so many surprises lately that this doesn't freak me out as much as it should. Besides, as long as I don't lay on my back I can still pretend I'm not... I'm human» Kevin said. Really, he was holding up much better than he expected. He had had some minor freaks out, but nothing serious. Usually it all died down in a matter of minutes. Which had probably something to do with angel emotions being all fucked up and stuff, and Kevin frankly didn't know if it was worse this or spending the time curled in a corner and weeping.

«So you won't be screaming and whining and having a panic attack? At least, not anytime soon?»

«I don't think» even if he wasn't so totally sure himself. After all, he wasn't sure how long he'd been inside there, but it was more than a couple days for sure and he still hadn't felt the need to eat, or drink, or sleep, or any of the other basic human needs. And as annoying having to go and relive your bladder every few hours can be, after a lifetime spent doing it it's kinda confusing when you suddenly don't need to anymore.

«Good» Kevin felt a bit affronted for his psychological stability to be dismissed with a simple "good", but he hadn't even expected for the angel to ask in the first place, so...

«For the hundredth time Gabriel, no, I have no fucking clue of who is possessing Sam, alright?» Kevin sighed, exasperated.

«Sorry Kev, didn't mean to bother you with a something so stupid as "ehy, let's try to figure out who is possessing Sam Winchester _and_ smited you"!»

«Don't you think I want to know too?» Kevin shouted «If I knew something, I'd tell you but apparently Dean Winchester decided I wasn't worth of having this piece of information» he realized both Gabriel and Balthazar were staring «What?»

«Nothing, just watching you two deciding which Winchester is more annoying» Balthazar commented.

«Shut up»

«Ok, ok, I'm shutting up, even if I don't understand what I did. It was him who asked»

«Really? "It was him who asked". Very mature of you»

«There they go» Kevin whispered. Those two had a habit of starting to argue over stupid things all the time. It was funny, sometimes. The other times was just annoying.

«If you didn't like me you could have let me die»

«I thought you might've been useful, but nooo, let's just sit there and complain»

«You are like an old married couple» Kevin commented, shaking his head.

«Who? Me and him? Dude, please» Gabriel said with a disgusted expression.

«Yeah, after all he's already committed to Sammy, isn't him?» Balthazar teased.

«Shut you mouth Balthy»

«Wait, he's what?» Kevin asked. Ok, if he had to listen to those two having a pissing contest might as well enjoy the show.

«He's got a huge crush on the little - or big, depends on the point of view - Winchester. Why do you think he's always so "what are the Winchester doing" and "what's happening to Sammy"?» Batlhazar said, earning a glare from Gabriel.

«Gabriel, seriously? You've got a thing for Sam?» Kevin asked, half-incredoulus, half-amused. That made so much sense now. Gabriel rolled his eyes.

«Guy's hot. Ok, I might have a little soft spot for him, but that's it»

«I'll tell you the truth» Balthazar whispered «The only reason he didn't ask Sam to marry him was that he thought being with someone who is technically so bigger than him might've sent the guy into an identity crisis» Kevin chuckled.

«Really amusing»

«Well, that and the fact he wasn't sure with which face to kiss him first» Balthazar continued. Gabriel muttered something about "useless little brothers".

«Yeah, I suppose it's not exactly a classical human beauty» Kevin said.

«You know Kev, if you could see yourself you'd realize you have more eyes than you imagine» Gabriel retorted. Kevin didn't know how to feel about that remark «Anyway. I'm an archangel, at least in theory one of Heaven's most powerful defensor or some shit like that, and I'm also the one who should look after the prophets, so excuse me if I'm a bit pissed about this all and want to find a way to clean all the shit's out there, or better, make Metasshole lick it all»

«I think we offended him» Balthazar murmured. Kevin nodded, even though he was now a bit perplexed. It's nice to know there's an archangel whose job would be to look over you. Expecially when another angel killed you.

«I'm a genius!» Gabriel excalimed out of the blur. Balthazar and Kevin both turned toward him, perplexed.

«No you're not, what makes you think so?» Balthazar asked.

«Fuck off. I think I know how to break free from here» Gabriel said.

«Are you serious?» Kevin asked, suddenly interested.

«Yep»

«So we can go out?»

«Slow down Balthy, we need a plan first. Metasshole with know we're out in less than you can say "orgy", and you have to remember we're disconnected from Heaven and Kev here has no idea of how to fly. And he doesn't see either»

«So what?» Balthazar asked.

«We go out, find our way on Earth and go in the first decent vessels we can find. Then no flying to Dean-o or anything, we keep a low profile, try to pass for someone else or something. I'll find the cover, trust me, I've been out of Heaven's sight for a long time, I know how to hide. Then we find a way to get things back as they should be. Righto?» Kevin nodded. The only thing he wanted now was to get out of there. Soon. He had no idea of what to do after, but for now freedom would already be something. Then... he could think about the "later" later.


	2. Chapter 2

**"Author'"s note:** chapter two finally here! I edited the first chapter a bit, just to remove the most obvious mistakes and changing a couple sentences but that's it. This is still not betaed, if for some unknown reason anyone would like to give grammar advices, just tell me. Please review, as long as it's not a "go hang yourself" you can write anything.

**Disclaimer:** Supernatural is totally not mine

* * *

«That's a wall. Not so different from the others in this place» Balthazar said. Kevin couldn't see the wall (and it was really annoying, to say at least) but he trusted Gabriel to actually have some kind of idea.

«It looks like it's just one of the other walls, but it's what will take us out of here» the archangel said with an eye-roll, thing that Kevin still thought kinda creepy. After all, he had something like 40 eyes (Kevin wasn't totally sure of the number, it was almost like the damn things changed place).

«How? I don't see anything strange» Balthazar retorted.

«What about you let me explain before bitching about my plan?»

«I'm all ears» the angel said.

«This was the wall Metasshole opened to throw Kevin in. And if I remember correctly, Luci's cage has only one wall that opens, so probably also this imitation does. Now, there was actually another way to open up the cage that didn't involve breaking seals or finding the four rings of power. Which is, three archangels decide that it's time to open the damn thing and they do. Basically it was some kind of safety measure, in case Luci came back to his senses or he was needed out and Dad wasn't there to pick him out» Gabriel explained.

«So you're saying that if three archangels decide to open it it opens. I'm so sorry to break it to you, but you're the only arch here» Balthazar said.

«What's your problem bro? Jealous I know about a loophole you never heard of?» Gabriel sighed «I know you two aren't Mike and Raphy, I've been away for a long time but not so much to forget my big bros' faces. But if this is a bad copy, then maybe less power is enough to open this, try to be positive!»

«Yeah, it's an awesome plan» Kevin interrupted «But I still haven't totally adjusted to having a pair of wings, how am I supposed to be of any help with that?»

«We told you Kev, it's not a pair they're four» Kevin really hoped his expression at least resembled a glare «Nevermind. You just have to concentrate on "open the fuckin' cage" and put your palm toward the wall. Your Grace should do the rest, otherway I can give you a bit of help. Now, if we manage to open the passage, it won't stay open for long. The moment it's big enough to actually pass through it, move your asses. Any questions?» Gabriel looked them. Balthazar raised his hand. «What?»

«Is there any particular reason you didn't think of this when Kev was thrown into but had to wait until now? I kow it's nothing compared to eternity, but the sooner we get out of here the better I'll feel»

«You feeling better is something totally irrelevant. Besides, Kev's Grace is brand new, it'll already be a big stress for him to use it now, if I didn't wait at least some days we wouldn't have had any possibility. And, as a last reason, it just didn't cross my mind» Kevin sighed.

«Can you two spend five minutes without having a pissing contest?» he asked, exasperated. Balthazar murmured something, though he didn't actually got it «Oh, and what's this story about my Grace?»

«Angels are not just born with all of their powers, you have to learn and stuff before flying around the planet and go back in time and all those things. Using too much power too early is... really inadvisable»

«Thank you for telling me about it» Kevin crossed his arms on his chest. Maybe it was some kind of trauma from being killed by something he didn't even know was there in the first place, but people not telling him things was really upsetting him these days.

«Yeah, well. Are we going to do it or what?»

«Whenever you're ready, old brother» Balthazar replied. Kevin went next to him, and Gabriel on his other side. The former prophet glanced at the others, seeing how they outstretched their hands, palm toward where he thought the wall should be. He imitated them.

«Now» Gabriel ordered. A light - white for Balthazar, slightly golden for Gabriel - started flowing through their body to their hands. Kevin tried to concentrate as Gabriel told him. _C'mon damn thing, do your job, open that wall, please, just open it, open it, open it..._ At first, nothing happened. Then he started feeling some kind of tingling sensation, a heat from inside him. A white light started shining in front of him. The light let him see a hand - a thin, slender hand with an eye on it's back - _his_ hand. _Wow, I really have eyes all around_. It felt good doing this. Like, this was something his body was meant to do. But after little he literally felt his knees starting to tremble. He kept concentrating, but soon he felt his strength giving out.

«Kev, stay with us» he heard Gabriel say. He nodded, but he was getting more tired by the second.

«Is that a fucking opening?» Balthazar said.

«We're doing it. Kev don't pass out now, we're almost done!»

«I... feel weak...» Kevin said. His knees were starting to give away.

«Just a bit more...» Gabriel grabbed him by his shoulder «Now!» the angels stopped using their Grace and sprinted forward. Kevin didn't think he could move on his own, but Gabriel got him and basically dragged him by force.

Soon, Kevin felt some kind of weight he didn't know was there lift from his chest. He tried to look around, but he still couldn't see anything. The angels seemed a bit more... shining, though.

Balthazar shouted something and Kevin somehow knew they had started moving faster, but then even the angels disappeared and he lost counsciousness.

Kevin wasn't lying on anything. There was absolutely nothing under him, he was sure of that. Yet he wasn't falling. Maybe he was dreaming. Then he remembered what happened to him in the last - days? Weeks? - and it didn't make it any less weird. He was sure there was something solid under his feet in that cage.

He saw Gabriel and Balthazar not far from him. Balthazar had his eyes closed and was lying on his side. Gabriel looked awake, but he had something strange on one of his wings. It was like light was seeping from it through some sort of gash. Oh. So this was how angel wounds looked like. The archangel had a pained look and was looking his wound with all the eyes he could.

«Were are we?» Kevin asked. Gabriel eyes left the wing.

«On Earth. We managed to get out of that fucking place»

«Why were you wounded?»

«Metasshole saw us leaving and went to get us. Or, to be more accurate, he shot us»

«Shot us?» Kevin asked.

«Well, not exactly shot, more like he made a spell to kill us. That was just the last scratch. Balthy passed out immediately after healing himself, he had a couple bad injuries and used too much Grace. And you've been doing sleeping beauty basically since we got out» there was a silence.

«I still don't see anything» Kevin said.

«We're in the Sahara desert, but I have the feeling if we were somewhere with something alive you should see something. Try there» Gabriel pointed. Kevin tried to see anything, and there was definetly something there. A little light, almost invisible.

«What's that?»

«A lizard. You're seeing it's... spirit, we could say. It's not a soul per se, but it's something. If you take a look around you should see something else. Some scorpions, or lizards, or... dung beetle»

«'Morning» Balthazar moaned.

«Sleeping beauty number two is with us again?»

«I hope you didn't kiss me to wake me up, that'd be disgusting» the angel stretched his arms. He run his hands on his... body, looking for any scratch left «How long do we have to stay here in Sandland?»

«Until we can all go away with our wings» Gabriel answered. He turned his head up to face the sky «I don't think anyone will bother us anyway. Metasshole is, unfortunately, not suicidal, so I don't think he'll pay us a visit»

«Hold on» Kevin interrupted «With "go away on our wings" you mean flying?»

«Yep»

«Me too?»

«You can try returning to the USA walking if you want, but that'd take you a while. Afraid of heights?» Balthazar commented.

«...When do we start?» Gabriel chuckled.

«Good boy. Let's wait another bit, say until Balthy can catch you if you fall»

«Why can't you do that?» Balthazar asked, pissed.

«It's not that I can't, it's more that I don't want to» Gabriel replied.

«You have to stop doing that» Kevin asked.

«That what?» Gabriel asked tilting his head.

«Rolling your eyes. It's creepy» Kevin replied. Obviously, the archangel just did that again, this time with more emphasis. Kevin snorted and turned around to not face the angel. Which was useless, since apparently he had eyes on his back too.

Kevin was seriously trying to get this whole flying thing. He was. A couple times he even managed to moving about three metres- which according to Balthazar were more or less three miles, and this new body measures were a bitch - but he usually ended up falling in less than half a second. Which wasn't exactly falling either, since he never actually hit the ground.

«C'mon Kev, move those wings» Balthazar said. The fact that he was floating above him, lazily moving his wings every once in a while wasn't helping.

«It's not so easy» Kevin protested. He was sure he was moving his wings, and that was fine. Actually flying was another thing. They had explained him that he needed to also use his Grace to do it, and how to do that, but despite it that feeling he had when he used it the last time didn't come. Gabriel assured him that his Grace was just fine, still a bit tired but substantially ok, actually it was probably even better than theirs since he was connected to Heaven. That it took a really small amount of Grace to make him fly, so the sensation would not be so strong as before. And that no angel just learned how to fly without a fuckton of failing. Still, that glow the two angels had around their wings when flying, illuminating all around them, made him fucking nervous.

«It's not impossible either» Gabriel responded, a bit higher than Balthazar, six wings moving in perfect sync, differently from Kevin's ones, that often ended up hitting each other and _why the fuck couldn't he have just two wings like Balthazar?_ Thought that was usually followed by a _and when exactly did I stop being freaked that I have wings in the first place?_

«Fuck you» Kevin said.

«Language Kev» Gabriel joked. Kevin glared, and tried once again to fly toward them. With no results, as usually.

«Oh, go to Hell!» he shouted, taking his face in his head from the frustration «Fuck you, fuck flying and fuck angels!»

«Uh Kev... don't scream, I think you just accidentally created a sandstorm»

«I don't give a fuck!» Kevin hissed at Balthazar, who shrugged and muttered something that sounded suspisciously like a "you should tell us when you got your period" that earned him a slap on his nape by Gabriel.

«No need to get hysteric» the archangel commented, crossing his arms.

«I have the bloody right to! Not only I'm an angel, but also a useless one at that!» Kevin protested. He discovered during his time in the cage that angels couldn't cry, but right now he felt like sobbing in frustration.

«Aw, stop being like that, betchya'll manage sooner or later» Balthazar said. Kevin could tell he was uncomfortable «Also because, you are projecting your feelings and it's not something I really enjoy»

«Balthy's right, stop being all premenstrual and try again» Gabriel said.

«Why I can't make mentruation jokes and you can?»

«'Cause I've said so»

«I can't» Kevin murmured.

«Yes you can. I swear to Dad, I haven't thought anyone how to fly in ages but you're not the worst I've ever seen» Gabriel rolled his eyes, but still... well, not shifted, but he was clearly uncomfortable. Oh, right. Projecting. Kevin willed himself to stop doing it and the wo angels visibly relaxed.

«Fine» Kevin said, opening his wings and trying once again to reach the other two in the air. And failing again.

This thing went on for a lot more, Kevin trying to take flight and every time ending up anchored down. Balthazar stopped bothering after a while and just stayed still, making sarcastic comments. Gabriel reprimended him a couple times, but then decided not to. Probably he was much more used to teaching people how to fly than the seraph.

«You need to use your Grace Kev, or we're gonna spend the next eternity here» the archangel sighed.

«I can't do that» Kevin protested. He was really about to have another emotional breakdown if they kept on like this.

«I'm gonna smite myself if I hear that another time» Balthazar said, polishing the nails he didn't even have. Now Kevin really had enough. The seraph could be funny for a while, but now he was really making Kevin hate him.

«If I knew how to, I'd do that for you» he said.

«Like I'd let you, you can't even come near me» Balthazar teased, moving his wings. Kevin growled and jumped to get the bastard and possibly ripping away some feathers from his wings. Well, he thought he jumped. He found himself right in front of Balthazar, who had a surprised expression.

«What?» Kevin asked, not getting why the seraph was looking him like that.

«I can teach you how to smite him if you want» Gabriel said with a grin on his faces. Kevin realised something. His wings. He could see them, a bit faintly but still. Four wings, almost black but with the feathers that became of a golden brown at the ends. The angulation was a bit weird (he really needed to understand where exactly his eyes were) but there was no dubt that they were his. He cold see part of his shoulders and back too, thanks to a white-yellow light. He moved them. Now he was a bit higher than Balthazar was.

«Am I flying?» he asked, amazed.

«You'd say?» came the sarcastic reply. He knew he should still be angry at Balthazar, but right now he didn't actually care about what the seraph said.

«Wow» he said. He tried to move again, this time getting completely above Balthazar.

«I know I'm a bit smaller than you, but you don't have to rub it» the seraph said, coming again at the same level of the ex-prophet.

«Rub it as much as you can, trust me» Gabriel said, flying next to them «Now we just have to teach you how to change direction and then we can go fix things, whaddya say?» Kevin nodded.

«Speechless?» Balthazar asked, amused.

«Shut up»

«Stop being bossy» the angel said, throwing a playful punch to Kevin's shoulder. He had the feeling that's not something angels usually do, but in Gabriel's words "try spending a fuckton of time in a human vessel doing human things and we'll see if they don't rub off on you".

«I can be bossy all I want to. You were saying, how do I turn around?»

«Move your wings like this» Gabriel said, demonstrating. Kevin imitated him and ended up hitting Balthazar in the face with his left wings.

«Dude!» the seraph said, flying away with an half-offended look.


	3. Chapter 3

**"Author'"s note: **well, it took me a bit too long to write down this chapter between seeing family during the holidays and the school re-starting and so on, but it's finally here. A huge thanks to who reviewed, also thanks a lot to the guest who I couldn't answer to, I hope you're still reading :) Let me know what you think please, I do feel incredibly appreciated if you follow/favorite and I love you for it but reviews really make me feel great so please?

**Disclaimer: **nope, Supernatural is not mine

* * *

The flight to the USA was more or less uneventful. Kevin had had some problems keeping up with the other angels and often bumped against them, but understood quickly how he had to move. Balthazar made a lot of sarcastic comments about the fact that if they moved any slower they'd be flying backwards, which put Kevin off a bit since it took them only twenty minutes to go from the Sahara to - according to Gabriel - North Carolina.

What amazed the ex-prophet was what he was seeing. The world was still totally black other than the souls, but once they started flying over America the sight was amazing. For most of the time, the only thing Kevin saw were some dots lost in the darkness, but now with millions of people under them it was like one of those photos took from the space when you can see all the artificial lights. It was surprising how little humans were - the others told him that the light of the human soul made them look a bit bigger than they actually were, which meant that probably ten of them could stand on Kevin's palm without problems. At first, he thought the souls looked almost identical, but he soon started to see differences. Some shone more, some were lighter, other almost black; some had a light blue color, some were red, most of them had swirls of both colors in them; on some Kevin could almost see drawings and patterns.

«Stop here» Gabriel said. Balthazar arrested immediately, while Kevin took some more seconds to stay completely still.

«What?» he asked.

«There are many of our siblings around here, I'm sure you can sense them too Kev» Kevin tilted his head. Yes, he did feel something, something he couldn't identify but it was coming from many directions.

«Maybe»

«You'll learn how to distinguish them, right now we can't be found. I've hidden our Graces since we arrived, but now I have to leave you for a while. No one knows Kev, so you should be fine, as for Balthy, try to not draw any attention on you. Probably they'll be too occupied to notice you, in case there are problems, flee»

«Why do you have to go?» Kevin asked.

«Do you have any ideas of how hard it is for an arch to find a vessel? The humans who can contain seraph without literally exploding are a minority, and I'm a bit bigger than seraphs. Being a vessel usually runs with the family anyway, and my last one was from Europe so now I'm doing a quick trip there to see if there's anyone of his family still alive, which I doubt since I picked him some centuries ago but it's worth a try. You two, behave, find a nice vessel and when you done it go search Dean-o, don't pick up fights and no orgies along the way, did I make myself clear?»

«I don't do only orgies» Balthazar protested.

«Threesomes count as orgies. See you later guys» with that, Gabriel turned around and flew away quickly, leaving them there.

«Great» Kevin commented, seeing the archangel disappear.

«I agree. Now move Kevvy, we need to find us a vessel» Balthazar started flying towards the ground.

«Don't call me Kevvy!» Kevin protested, hating that new stupid nickname.

«Whatever you want Kevvy» Kevin decided not to answer him.

«How do we find a vessel anyway?» he asked.

«It's pretty easy to understand if a human is a vessel, but I'm not going to explain to you right now, I'm just finding you a vessel and leaving you there to deal with it. Just listen to his thoughts, try to speak with him and find a way to make him say "yes" to you. And don't whine if you don't like him, we'll be lucky enough to find a vessel who's not harassed by a dozen angels trying to get in» Balthazar said, flying away. Kevin followed him.

«And how do I read someone's mind?»

«Concentrate on reading their thoughts. Now shut up Kevvy, the grown up has to work» Kevin throw a killer glare at Balthazar, but the annoying seraph just kept rolling his eyes in many directions.

Kevin soon started to see other angels passing them. They were different in size, wing color, number of faces and eyes and a lot of little other particulars. They usually just looked them as they were flying, not bothering to speak with them. Most of them looked sad, and a good part had their wings reduced to what looked like bones with only a few feathers attached. A couple ones frowned while Balthazar passed by, and every time Kevin hoped they didn't recognize him for who he was. They didn't need that problem.

«Hey Kevvy, found you a nice present» the seraph said after some hours of watching. He pointed one human. His soul contained a lot of red, and Kevin felt strangely repulsed by it. It was covered in strange patterns of white, a color he didn't remember seeing often on the souls.

«It's him?»

«No, I was just joking. Listen genius, try to speak with him only when he's presumably alone and quietly, like whispering in his ear, don't ask me how it's the same old concentrate and your Grace does the rest kind of shit. You don't want your voice to make things explode. And if you manage to make him say "yes" just go in, don't wait. I don't think anyone else will come here to take him but you're never too sure. He should be able to contain you, I'm not sure since I don't know exactly how strong you are, but this guy here's pretty though» Balthazar said, eyes darting around nervously.

«Why no one would take him as a vessel?» Kevin asked, confused.

«Most angels prefer to have a vessel that's a good, educated, go-to-church-every-Sunday person. "Red" means "not a good person", and the bastard down there as a lot of red in him. Do what you have to to get in him, don't worry about morals, keep saying he's a good guy and an amazing person and whatever, now I have to go find myself a body» Balthazar turned and opened his wings, but before he could go Kevin grabbed his arm. The seraph's eyes darted towards him.

«Why are you so in a hurry? Something's the matter?» Kevin asked.

«Look, I think someone may have recognized me and right now I'm pretty sure someone's coming to search me, so let me go or we're both doomed» Kevin released the other, who flew away quickly.

The ex-prophet turned to watch the human Balthazar had indicated him. There was definetly a lot of red in his soul. _Might as well start my work_ Kevin thought, kneeling so he the impression of speaking with an ant was a little less. The seraph said to try and read his thoughts or something, right? Kevin tried to do the "same old concentrate and your Grace does the rest shit", as Balthazar called it, to see if it worked also with mind reading. Apparently, it did.

_Fucking bastard... He didn't deserve it... Anger... What do I do now... Oh, who gives a fuck... If he doesn't pay me this time I'll show him... Pissed off... Want to do something... And where the hell was she... No, don't think of her... Maybe if he didn't... Too fucking angry... Want a drink, and a strong one... Had to do something... Who did the dick think he was..._

Kevin pulled back from the huge amounts of images and emotions and memories he was submersed with. He blinked. It was overwhelming. It felt like he had the whole life of another human being- of a human being, without another- stored in his mind. Surprisingly, it didn't cause him too much discomfort now that he had stopped the connection. It was like having a movie in his head. He took a deep breath and looked at what he found.

This guy was a mess. If it wasn't because he needed him (and didn't that sound bad, _needing_ someone to reach some kind of goal) he would have gone away from him and forgot about everything he had saw. Jeff- that was his name- started out as a pretty normal person, normal family, normal everything. Then his girlfriend left him, he started going out with strange people, run away when he was twenty and never contacted his parents again, a classic. Not the kind of person Kevin would like to be with, a drunk with no steady work, rude, sexist and slightly homophobic, and that was without counting that in the last couple years this guy had taken part in a series of armed robberies which had ended with some wounded and a man killed. Oh, and that he sold heavy drugs from time to time. Now Kevin did understand why no angel would take him as a vessel. Well, he didn't have any choice.

It seemed the guy was alone with his bottles, so Kevin thought that was a good moment to approach him. The sooner the better.

«Uh... Jeff, do you... Do you hear me?» Kevin mentally kicked himself. Good way to start out things. At least he didn't destroy any windows. He hoped.

«Who the fuck is speaking?» Jeff asked, the colors of his soul swirling.

«I'm... I'm an angel» Kevin said. He heard a drunk laughter.

«Well, this I still didn't hear, and I'm drunk half the time» the man said, words made sluggish by the alcohol.

«I'm not an hallucination»

«Whatever» the man said, taking another gulp from the bottle.

«I'm... I need your help» the man chuckled.

«Yeah, and wha' does an angel want from me? Didn' kno' ya did drugs»

«I need your body. I have to do... something... And in order to do it, I need you to let me in your body» Kevin said, unsure how to put it and opting for a blunt way.

«That sounds fuckin' gay, I'm not like that» the other replied, offended.

«N-no, I'm sure you're not, it's not like that» Kevin really felt uncomfortable. He was speaking with a robber, drug-dealer drunk trying to convince him to let he go inside his body. Which definitly sounded really gay if you thought of it.

«Good. Now piss off, angel, leave me in peace»

«You have to listen to me, please»

«GO AWAY!» the man shouted. Kevin sighed. This promised to be an awful thing to do.

Thanks to his periodic checking of Jeff's mind, Kevin knew he had spent about a week trying to convince the bastard to let him use his body. And it was one of the worst weeks of his whole life, which was saying something. This guy made Kevin want to throw up, and if he still had a stomach he was sure he'd have done so by now. Unfortunately, he couldn't go away, and neither could he do anything to make this dick's life worse than it was. In a week, Kevin had said things that really made him hate himself, and yet Jeff refused to even consider him anymore than a simple alcohol-induced fantasy.

Kevin had taken in following him everywhere, never saying out loud what he thought of the things Jeff did, even the worst ones. And now he had to bite his tongue once again, because the son of a bitch was doing his periodic round of drug dealing. Heroin, this time. Fucking bastard.

«Do you have it?» a guy asked. His soul was far cleaner than Jeff's, but still it had long red patterns in it. Curiously, it was somehow strangely organised in curious almost-drawings similar to Jeff's. Maybe this guy was a vessel too.

«Do you think I'd be here if I didn't?» the man responded harshly. Kevin winced.

«How much is it?»

«How much do you have?»

«30 dollars, please, please, I need it...»

«Too little, I don't do charity here» Jeff said. Kevin felt at the same time sick and sorry for that poor bastard. He was an idiot to get into this kind of things in the first place, but hey, if there was a true asshole there was Jeff. Besides... he really couldn't find it in himself to blame that guy, not when he himself spent all the time trying to translate the angel tablet in a state that probably wasn't really better than this man's.

«I beg you, I need it!» the buy cryed.

«I said no. Go away fag, I don't want to see your face ever again. Hang yourself» Jeff said. Seeing that the other didn't move, the man picked something from the ground and threw it at him. The younger man- at least, presumably younger- yelled in pain.

Kevin screamed too, in anger. He had had enough. From the noise, he thought this time he had definetly made something explode. Who gave a fuck. Jeff squealed pathetically. The other man screamed and ran away. Seeing his figure stagger, Kevin decided to follow him instead of spending any longer with that utter dick.

After a while, the junkie stopped. He was out of breath, his soul and hence probably his body trembling. Kevin tried to read his thoughts, controlling himself has he learned during the past week. He learned that the man's name was Tom, he was twenty-six and had been addicted to heroin for almost six months now. Apparently, he hadn't take anything in the past seven hours and his body was already going in full abstinence crisis. And right now, the scare Kevin gave him with his shout made him feel even worse.

«I'm sorry» Kevin whispered. Tom jumped.

«Who- Who are you?» he asked, panicking.

«I'm an angel» Kevin said, not wanting to lie to him. He was probably going to die early in some forgotten alley, and really Kevin pitied him. A part of him was saying that probably he pitied Tom so much because he could somehow relate to him, but he tried to ignore it.

«An angel?» Tom asked.

«Yes. My name's Kevin. I'm sorry I scared you earlier, I didn't mean to»

«I'm... No, you're kidding me you can't-» the man broke off and fell to his knees, vomiting. Kevin bit his lip, a human gesture he couldn't really help but doing, remembering when it was him on his knees, throwing up because he took too much aspirine - or maybe too little.

«Why do you take that shit?» he asked, curious.

«Why? Do you think I like it? Do you fucking think I enjoy this?» Tom screamed, angered «I want to stop, I just want it to end» he broke into an helpless cry. Kevin wanted to comfort him somehow, but he didn't know how. He doubted he really know how to properly act with a human being anymore. Then he had an idea.

«I could... Make it stop» he murmured.

«How?» Tom sobbed, with something that sounded awfully like hope «Doesn't matter. You can't»

«I can. If you let me... possess you, we could say, I could stop you from taking anything» Kevin said, feeling ashamed for using another person's weakness like that.

«Really?»

«Yes. But I need your consent»

«My consent? You fucking have it, I'd do anything for this to end!» the man screamed. Kevin mouthed a "thank you", even though he knew Tom couldn't see him, and just let his Grace do whatever it had to do. He felt a pull, his Grace illuminating him. Then his whole being got smaller and suddenly he felt a warmness around his limbs that wasn't there before. He could feel every single inch of Tom's body around him, the sensation of clothes against sweaty skin, the dirty hair on his face, the damage the drug had done to his brain, the movement of his chest every time he breathed, everything.

Kevin sat down. With Tom eyes, his sight had improved. He could make out shapes - vaguely, like someone with a really bad case myopia, but it was better than before. Looking at himself, he found he could see a human body wrapped in a light glow. Searching through Tom's memories, he found he had dark brown hair and dark eyes. And his impressions told him he was tall and very thin, unhealthy so.

He closed his eyes and let "his" head fall back. He must've looked really strange, he thought, a ill-looking man sitting in the middle of the street with a puddle of vomit near him. He was relieved he finally found a vessel, and that he didn't have to share a body with that dick Balthazar told him to (and now that he thought of it, he had to have a little discussion with the other angel when he found him), but he didn't feel really good. He had manipulated someone in a really bad way.

«What's happening here? What was that light?» Kevin opened his eyes and was greeted with the sight of someone coming toward him. He could see his soul, covering completely any kind of physical sight. Oh, well.

«I'm sorry?»

«You heard me boy. The light» his Grace, right.

«I don't know» he lied. He got to his feet «Have a nice evening» Kevin walked away, feeling the stranger following him with his eyes until he turned the corner. He had to go slowly, it was still difficult to understand what was the pavement and what was the road, but he could manage. He had a tingling sensation.

«You need to be more careful, brother. Your Grace could be seen for a mile» Kevin repressed the urge to jump and just turned. There was a white light in the perfect shape of an elderly man, with a couple of brownish wings apparently too big for him spurting from his back.

«I know» he said quickly, walking away from the other angel. He was nervous. Luckily the angel didn't ask him anything and just went away. But still if he came back and told him something, anything, that was more than just a "be careful" things could go really bad. He just hoped no one questioned on whose side he was, because that would be disastrous.

He stopped and took a deep breath. It was nice being able to actually do it again. He had to think about what to do next. Which was finding Balthazar, definetly, the sooner the better.


End file.
